


Selfish

by StarTravel



Series: Stages [7]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Genetic Engineering, Gentle Sex, Introspection, POV Julian Bashir, Rough Sex, Self-Esteem Issues, Slight denial of feelings, oblivious to love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 07:29:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18425838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarTravel/pseuds/StarTravel
Summary: Julian knows he what he should do, but that doesn’t make Garak any less of a temptation.





	Selfish

It’s the third time Julian wakes up in Garak’s bed under a pile of blankets and with Garak pressed up against him that he worries he’s let this go to far.

 It’s not a question of affection - he loves Garak, as much as he’s loved anyone, as much as someone like him can love - but of pragmatism. There’s every chance that sooner or late, his secret will be revealed. Cardassia doesn’t look on genetic enhancements any more kindly than the Federation and Garak’s reputation as a spy would be in tatters for not noticing.

 Julian will not be the reason for this man’s ruin.

 Which is why he knows he has to leave Garak’s quarters the moment the other man slides out of him. He wonders if Garak can somehow sense his plan, because his pace is achingly slow, each movement almost brutal in its gentleness. Garak’s thick body spreads across his back, cool lips pressing against the smooth skin of Julian’s neck. “You’re thinking too much.”

 “As though your one to talk.” Julian huffs in a low voice, slightly strangled both from lust and a growing impatience for Garak to get on with it. Garak pulls out of him inch by inch, ridges softly brushing against each ring. Julian tries not to shiver, body going lax as Garak’s hands run down his flanks in a way that borders on reverent.

 But no, not reverent. That Julian fears he might be able to handle, all adoring and awe-struck eyes that will grow bored with him after a few weeks. No, Garak is touching him like he’s _precious,_ hands running along his body as though to trace his own memory and scent into each angle and curve of his body. Julian can’t help letting out a low moan when Garak reaches the dips of his hip bones. “I at least know when to stop.”

 “Do you now?” Julian can’t help but scoff a bit at that, pressing his elbows more deeply into the mattress as he pushes his hips back urgently. Garak kisses the space on his back just below his neck, worrying the skin there. Marking Julian as his. Julian can’t help the moan he lets out at the thought or the way his hips start to roll a bit more frantically.

“Yes, so stop.” Garak tuts in a soft voice before placing one last nip to the base at his neck. Then Garak pulls out to the tip, only to slam back in roughly, his entire weight smashing down against Julian’s narrow hips. Julian lets out a sharp cry of surprise, flailing against the bed for a few seconds as he tries to catch his bearings against the sheets.

He thinks he’s close when Garak suddenly pulls out and pushes back in, hips snapping against him. Julian pushes back, trying to meet the new pace even as the rest of him suddenly feels unbalanced. Garak hits his prostate and Julian cries out, arms sliding out from under him until he’s on his forearms. “Garak! fuck, _yes._ ”

 His voice is practically a hiss on the last word, and he has just enough awareness left to wonder if the sound reminds Garak of the way Cardassi twists around each word. The thought is lost when Garak hits his prostate again and again in rapid succession, hands clawing at the side of his body.

 It hurts and heals at the same time, and Julian knows he’ll have bruises and scratches up his flank before the night’s over. It’s nothing like the tender, caressing touches from before that made Julian shiver in ways that aren’t allowed.  

 Julian cries out when Garak pushes in several more times, leaning over until his mouth is pressed close to the base of Julian’s neck. He expects a bite that never comes, Garak instead stilling inside of him and leaving him too full and overstimulated. His voice is practically a whimper when he speaks. “Harder. Please.”

 “You should’ve been born a Cardassian, my dear.” Garak murmurs softly as he presses a kiss to the side of his neck, voice warm with affection. Julian shivers again, hips pushing back and face hot where it presses against the sheets. Garak - _fuck_ him - finally starts moving again, but he slows back to the pace from before, rhythm gentle and almost musical. Garak still hits his prostate every time, and Julian can’t help crying out in pleasure as his entire body writhes beneath Garak’s own. “But that wouldn’t have been half as much for fun for me.”

 “Garak!” Julian cries as Garak presses against his prostate at the same he kisses the side of his neck, right where his most delicate ridge would be. Julian can’t help the way his hips start to shake erratically, orgasm overcoming him as he buries his face into the mattress.

Maybe the cushion will swallow his low, needy whimpers and his body won’t show his hand so easily.

 Garak comes a few seconds later, hips snapping erratically against his ass and lower back and then stopping completely. Garak cries out, low and hissing, wordless and free of the buzz of the universal translator. Julian thinks the sound is beautiful in its way. He collapses on top of Julian, body spreading out over his like a particularly sharp blanket.

 after several seconds he pulls out with an easy grace, inversion helping him along. Julian tries to sit up, only for a muscular arm to push him back down on the mattress. Julian glances down at the ridges with a hint of sigh, twisting around to give Garak a flat look. “Here, don’t move just yet.”

 “We’ll need to change your sheets before I leave.” Julian tuts as he tries to no avail to push the arm away from him. Garak, despite all expectations to the contrary, likes to cuddle. Sometimes Julian suspects it’s merely for warmth and he’s a willing body, but it’s still more affection than he should allow if he doesn’t want Garak going down with him someday.

 “Letting me take you apart piece by piece and not returning the favor?” Garak huffed as he pulls himself closer to Julian. Julian doesn’t resist this time, his own body easily slotting against Garak’s. He always wondered if the ridges would hurt, but their less like stone than something between cartilage and skin, and Julian finds the pressure on his back more comforting than anything else. Garak nips the side of his neck playfully. “You Federation folk really are spoiled.”

 “We can change the sheets after.” Julian throws out even as he twists around in Garak’s arm so he can press his face against the skin along his shoulders, feel the cool muscles against his overheated body. He should be stronger than this.

 “Yes, in the morning.” Garak murmurs into his ear, voice starting to sound heavier with each passing word. Julian glances up at him and finds his eyes half closed, though none of the tension has yet to go out of his face. Not even here in his own bed can Garak feel safe enough to relax. Julian wonders if he even remembers how.

 Julian’s not sure he does either. Not in the ways that count, not in the ways Garak needs. He should go. “You shouldn’t let me stay.”

 “No, but sometimes I’m a very selfish man.” Garak murmurs into his ear, words half slurred as his body collapses half on the bed and half spread out over Julian, trapping him against silk sheets and thick pillows. Julian watches Garak for a few minutes, the way the lines around his eyes grow just a touch softer in repose, how his hands curl protectively around Julian’s chest even in his sleep.

 Julian looks at Garak’s mouth, tight with worry but still having just a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth, in spite of everything he’s suffered. Julian runs a hand across his lips for a few seconds, lets the cool air of Garak’s breath run across his fingertips like salvation.

 He could leave right now if he wanted to. Garak would wake up of course, but he’d pretend he hadn’t to preserve his and Julian’s sense of pride and equilibrium. He could stop this now, before it goes too far and becomes something real enough to hurt Garak, real enough he might have to see disgust in Garak’s eyes instead of amused fondness.

 Instead Julian curls closer to Garak, nuzzling the space where his shoulder and neck meet. “Not as much as me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Questions and comments are loved!
> 
> Also self-indulgent question since I needed to put it somewhere and I have no Social media:
> 
> Would anyone be interested in a soulmate au involving Julian, Elim, and Kelas? It would either end polyamory or a bittersweet ending with two of them being very happy and one of them leaving, but either way it would be very much about Feelings and Domesticity and Cardassia and likely somewhat of a Canon AU because of the soul bond pulling them toward each other.


End file.
